body processes | Thrive Outdoors Culture Journal

I came across this hilarious prequel to “10 Things to Wipe Your Butt With in the Woods” on one of my favorite online mags, Adventure Journal. This article was written by Brendan Leonard who also runs the blog, Semi-Rad. Adventure Journal’s editor, Steve Casimiro, has allowed me to give you a taste right here on TO. Check out the first few “techniques,” then head over to AJ for the rest!

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There’s pretty much one way to poop indoors: In a toilet. No real room for creativity. Or at least functional creativity. Outdoors, though, the world is your canvas. Dig a Leave No Trace six-inch hole and make yourself comfortable. Here are seven different strategies, of which we can recommend five. Actually, just four.

Does a bear $#*% in the woods? — Source: Flickr, EarthOwned

1. The Squat

The original outdoor stance. Just like it sounds. Dig a hole, put your butt close to the ground, and make the magic happen.

2. The Tripod

Sometimes more comfortable than the plain old Squat, this is when you dig a hole, squat over it, and place a hand behind you for stability. It’s definitely a more active position and probably safer if you have any reservations about your, um, solid waste getting on your shoes or hiking boots – the Tripod puts your bum farther south of those north-facing feet.

3. The Tree Hug

If the roots cooperate, you can dig a hole close enough to a tree, and if the tree’s not too big around you can wrap your hands or arms around the trunk for support as you squat over the hole and rock it out…

…For the rest of this list, see the full story at Adventure Journal!

(Check out the comments, too. There are some funny stories.)

When you are “finished” be sure you know what to do next by enlightening yourself with: “10 Things to Wipe Your Butt With in the Woods”

And… I promise the next article I post will not be focused on “body processes.” No guarantees after that, though.

-Thrive Outdoors

UPDATE: MARCH 2020… In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, we’ve begun to see how misinformation and media hype can cause unnecessary panic… e.g. Stores are completely sold out of toilet paper!

Photo credit: Sam Finney. From krcw.com.

So, to ensure we don’t take ourselves too seriously, please consider the following 10 options if you missed out on the initial “Hamsterkauf” of paper products.

And then, to ensure you are taking this pandemic seriously enough, please take a look at this well-written article on Medium that helped me understand what we were up against and why it matters- even to young, healthy people.

Stay sanitary and keep your distance, my friends

-JWa

This post spawned from a lively discussion during a weekend climbing trip to the Katsu-dake crags in Okinawa, Japan. I must say that I have had many similar conversations, but this discussion, in particular, was quite in-depth. A special thanks to the Okinawan climbing community for the inspiration! I’m sure you are proud.

Disclaimer: Some of the items listed are not necessarily “Eco-friendly.” You are not a child. If you use an unorthodox wiping material, then pack it out in a ziplock or poop-tube in accordance with local procedures. No one wants to come across a nasty old sock with remnants of you all over it.

Toilet paper, and my personal camping favorite- the baby wipe, are like the comfort food of sanitary products. We get so used to using them in our day-to-day life that it is nearly impossible to imagine what to do without them. Here are the facts: 1) You have to eat food to keep your energy level up. 2) Your body processes that food, and must dispose of the waste. 3) It is not healthy or comfortable to “hold it” until you find some porcelain. 4) If you hang out in nature long enough you will eventually find yourself unprepared and without the standard-issue material to clean up afterward.

So… Just what should you do? What can you use to wipe your butt in the woods? The most important thing to remember is not to panic. Take a breath, turn your “woods-eyes” on, and you will probably find something that will work just as well, if not better than the real thing. The second most important thing is to think of this before you settle into that perfect little tree-well, not during. Here’s 10 solid alternatives, listed in no discernible order: Continue reading 10 Things to Wipe Your Butt With in the Woods →

Do More Than Just Survive…